Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in grd55's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
11:28 pm	UPDATE I have one of these things. Weird. lol Anyhow, let's see. Umm... cruise first, I guess, since it was most recent. I recently went on a cruise to the Bahamas. It was really fun. Partied a lot, laughed a lot, DIDN'T get sunburned (praise the Lord) and got to spend a lot of quality time with my dad, which was long overdue. Plus it was just a hell of a nice escape from the mundane everyday grind. Megan probably comes next, I think. I'm not actually officially dating her, but I still can't help of think of her as my girlfriend by this point, simply by virtue of the way we act. We're basically together except for the title, because she just got out of a year long relationship with a complete jackalope and he flips out enough without crying over how she's dating somebody else, though he's already done the same thing. Unfortunately, she still cares what he thinks, though he's just the kind of guy who wants a girl on the backburner and I'm by-and-large convinced that it's all an act, and so we're not dating... just seeing each other exclusively. lol. But yeah, I've liked her for a really long time, and so it's been really nice to actually have her. Life in that respect is dandy. I've been somehow sucked into drama I don't even have a stake in, in other news, and this is irritating, but what are you gonna do about it except weather the storm out? And I've never been one to back down once my hackles are up, even if it would be the smart thing to do. Bad temper! Down boy! There's a girl who says she loves me every time she comes in to my drive-through. This always flusters me to no end, as she proceeds to flirt with me, and I never know what to say except "thank you". She came in today and knew I'd been in the Bahamas, because apparently she came in when I was gone and asked where I was. This baffled me, and I spent most of the encounter with my ears burning. I'm such a player. Haha. Thankfully, she's a rare customer. Last night was much needed Thomas time. Spent the night and laughed my ass off. I missed my brotherfromanothermotherwiththesamename. Hell of a good time. Well, I'm out. Until next year. :) Current Mood: cheerful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 8th, 2009
8:21 pm	Haven't written much on here in a while But what's new? Things are changing, ever changing, and yet it never feels like I get anywhere. I'm stuck in a hamster wheel running circles in blinders, so I'm unable to see that the geography is always the same. It's work school work school work work friends work school, repeat. It gets a little old, I guess. But on the whole, I'm feeling good, even if nothing big is actually happening. Fixing a very broken friendship and very pleased with the progress in that, and reveling in the solidification and enhancement of The Fold. I had a moment today where I just couldn't stop smiling as I relieved some poignant moments in, specifically, mine and Thomas' friendship. The one that comes immediately to mind was when he was my secret pal and half-assed some story up so he could go get cream soda out of his bathroom and we could have some while playing PS2. It somehow epitomizes our friendship for me. It left me feeling very blessed, and although today was just ridiculous as far as work goes, I was in a great mood all day. I'm off to see a movie tonight with Chris and Alex and David and some folk, so that ought to be fun. Let's see... all sorts of smaller stories happened, but there's too many to put on here, I guess. In closing, life is good... if not repetative. But what are you gonna do about it? Some things can't really be changed, and so we do our best to rise to the occasion and cope. Until next time, this is Jason, logging out. Current Mood: amused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
1:39 pm	Today I found a cream soda bottle in my fridge I forgot was there, from Thursday. I don't know if I've ever been happier. Nothing could've tasted better. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 12th, 2009
4:42 pm	My life just got interesting again. lol I LOVE The Lonely Island. These guys are redefining music for me. Haha. I'm On A Boat We runnin' this, let's go. I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Everybody look at me cause I'm sailing on a boat! I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin boat! I'm on a boat muthafucker, take a look at me! Straight floatin' on a boat on the deep blue sea! Bustin' five knots, wind whippin' at my coat You can't stop me muthafucker cause I'm on a boat! So yeah. Lots to think about this weekend. Looking forward to Tuesday, however. Little trepidation, sure, but the optimist in me wants to believe and look past my fear. In the meantime, I'm out. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 23rd, 2009
8:15 pm	Tomorrow Is going to be hell. Guaranteed. Haha. I'm getting up at 6:30 to work at 7... stupid half hour drive. This interview cannot come fast enough. I wish we'd skip the bureaucratic bullshit. Oh well. Thankfully, it's just the one time. I covered for a friend of mine and switched shifts from my pleasant 1:30 start time. In defense of my body's nocturnal tendencies, I bought both an Amp 5 hour energy shot AND one of those massive 24 once Fruit Punch'd Rockstars. Only kind I can drink. Hopefully that'll actually affect me on those levels. I am not normally influenced by energy drinks. If not, it's practically guaranteed to give me diabetes. Hehe. BUT. After work, William and I are going to Viejas and gambling. Never been before... so that oughta be fun. lol. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 19th, 2009
10:55 pm	I find it interesting That music can create such a profound emotional reaction within people. That we can identify with lyrics accompanied by sounds and be struck breathless by it. Everybody has their genre that clicks with them, for me it's hard rock. Nothing is more soothing or relaxing for my soul than guitar riffs and heavy drum beats. But songs have the singular ability to allow us to say the things that mean the most in the shortest, most direct way possible. We do not need the long, flowery prose to accomplish this, only the barest of bones, the simple base structure of the song. And it is this that lends it that very same ability to evoke such concentrated reactions. The fact that songs cannot afford to be verbose makes them cuttingly simple, and it speaks to us in our basest mind, where the savage things lurk and the primal urges are the only directives we bother to listen to. There is, for me, nothing half so sublime as discovering a new song that resonates within me like the echoes of a lover's laugh for days to come. In unrelated news, you know you're an English nerd when you spend your free time reading a collection of 17 essays regarding different aspects of Stephen King's methodoligy and art form, all of which attempt to disseminate and give voice to the untappable, undefinable SOMETHING that makes him the world's bestselling author. I'm out. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 11th, 2009
12:04 pm	All Alone Well, Gabe is gone. Officially outta here. It's very odd, I suppose... mixed feelings about him leaving. Part of it is excitement, of having my own place, a clean laundry room, my own food waiting, etc., but it's going to be really sad, too. These last months have been the best of my life, unequivocally. It's going to be very different having it be so silent. I know I will still have friends over, probably as often as I do now, but it'll be different. And I'm afraid, too. Afraid of my own nature getting the best of me. Left to my own devices, I am essentially a loner, and I'm afraid of withdrawing from the world and unintentionally severing ties with people that I love. I'm afraid of being alone. =/ Maybe this sudden heaviness is just because I'm still standing in the wake of the exhaust fumes of Arielle, watching Gabe and Thomas disappear down the hill, but I suddenly just had to sit down and stop cleaning, which I'd been pursuing before with former gusto. And with it just me in the house, I feel terribly lonely. Because Gabe won't come home tomorrow. Or at all. I'm home alonely and I don't know if it's ever effected me this way before. Shit. Back to cleaning and 30 Seconds to Mars. Love this band. :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 8th, 2009
12:14 pm	Finally, a good day Or so it would appear thus far. It's my day off, which I sorely needed. Waiting on more time info, but I'm going to go see my great grandmother, then go watch Chris' game, then go to a party. It looks like it should be pretty fun, all in all. And man, after yesterday, I could use a fun day. Finally writing again, and actually WRITING, lol. I've been so busy I really haven't had time... but I'm pleased with the chapter. The next chapter should be pretty long and busy, which will be nice. It'll be Thomas' chapter, and the real beginning to our adventure together. So "whee" there. Tomorrow is also payday and The Unborn. I can't wait. I've survived the past two weeks on about 15 bucks. =/ I only eat about once a day. Haha. Anyways, I'm off and away. Talk to you all soon. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 4th, 2009
12:49 pm	DAMN IT I quit. Ugh. Not too fond of today or yesterday. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
7:39 pm	This Year Was fun, though the first half seems markedly better than the second half. Mostly I wish I was where I was last year today... not that tonight won't be fun, but it won't be that, either. And that's a little sad. Because last year was the best New Year's I've ever had. Oh well. Just got home from work, gotta shower and get myself ready for tonight. I even got my wallet back from Gabe's car. lol. 2009, you'd better be better than this. I'm not sure I can handle another year of this. Why am I so broken when it comes to one person? Why can't I just let sleeping dogs lie? *Sigh* probably because I love dogs. I am compelled to pet them and then they wake up. Ah, yes, that's me, answering metaphorical questions with serious, unrelated answers. On that cheery note, I'm off and away. Happy New Years, everybody. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 9th, 2008
1:53 am	Life as of now It's so good lately. Like... nothing in particular stands out, but on the whole, it's really been fun. I'm chilling with Thomas and Chris and Gabe and it's so nice to feel like I'm with family. It's like we're all assembled. Snorlax/Pilot/Sterls/Sterling was supposed to be here tonight too, but he wussed out. But yeah. It's just... sublime. To be amongst my brothers and feel like everything is right with the world. But yeah. Life is pretty chill right now. There are always little bits of confusion and discontent, but they really fall on the wayside in light of all the good parts, you know? Laughs and smiles abound. It's just all good, you know? Yeah. Basically life is on the upswing. And I'm wide awake. And the night is about to kick in. I am so ready for it. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
11:01 pm	Crazy happenings So I'm moved in. I'm sitting at my desk while Gabe plays baseball, and I'm so pleased with the way things have turned out. It's small, but we're using the space really well. We're adding personal touches that are making it nice and homey, and a lot of the little projects are coming together well. Today, I split the cable so we can watch TV AND have internet (lol), we gave the kitchen a thorough cleaning so the counters and the sink and the stove top and top of the fridge are all clean, and Kelly even braved the toilet (which was horrifying). I've got laundry going, with probably two more loads to go, and then we can start having most of my clothes done. Gabe still needs to bring a lot of his over tomorrow. We're also bringing in a couch tomorrow if possible, but eventually we're going to get futons to conserve space but keep the decor up. I'm also going to find us some chairs, since we wind up entertaining so often. Coco and Alyssa are coming over tomorrow to check it out and hang, Thomas and Chris for sure this weekend. It's a little hot, so we need to get another fan, and some fabreeze and glade fresheners, because it is small enough to fill up with smells from the trash or laundry or anything of that nature. I'm also practically desperate to get a garbage disposal. We don't have one, and I can see that being irritating as hell as we go on. But for all the little projects needed and the unfinished or half finished tasks we've got on our plates, I still love it. Gabe has been a great roommate so far and I can only hope that it'll continue this way. There are some confusing things going on with me emotionally beyond that, but for now, I guess I'm content with the new living quarters. I will keep you all updated on how it goes. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 27th, 2008
2:41 pm	So I might move tomorrow. I'm a little overwhelmed. lol Lacrosse is fun. I'm drifting away from Thomas, which sucks. I'm trying to rectify it, but we both need to work on timing, I guess, since our schedules don't really sync up. And I've realized that I finally feel free. Like... it was odd, but sometimes the opposite effect can happen from something you never would've expected. It's nice. I have work in fifteen minutes. bleh. Oh, and I need a new job, since I'm moving. lol (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 21st, 2008
2:37 pm	So This weekend has been off the hook amazing. Despite having to change our plans every single night because of a repeat unforseen and mostly unchangeable conflict, we overcame the technical difficulties and managed to have one of the best weekends I've ever had. It was badass. Also, my halloween costume is almost done, all in one friggin night, the majority of it purchased from Love Boutique with Gabe. lol. Total cost thus far? 10 bucks. And it looks awesome. I'm so jazzed. Only missing one major piece of it and then a few smaller things. The total cost should run around 20-30 bucks for it. Sweet. But yeah. Amazing weekend. Amazing society started. And Chris is on his way to play some Wii and chill. Kickass. And my car ran out of gas on the way home today. Chris had to come and save me. lol. That was an adventure. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 12th, 2008
10:57 am	I've been quiet for a while But I've just been busy. I'm feeling weird today. Got a lot of thoughts weighing me down. Some doubts, some fears, some cautious hope, all competing for a place in my mind. Is this the right thing? I sure hope so. And I hope it's something real that I'm even worrying over. *sigh* This aspect of my life is far too confusing for its own good. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 5th, 2008
11:45 am	Seek me, call me I'll be waiting This distance, this dissolution I cling to memories while falling Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day Waking the misery of being without you Surrender, I give in Another moment is another eternity (Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart (Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart You know me, you know me all too well My only desire - to bridge our division In sorrow I speak your name And my voice mirrors my torment (Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart (Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart Am I breathing? My strength fails me Your picture, a bitter memory For comfort, for solace (Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart (Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting (I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart Baby don't worry About a thing 'Cause every little thing 'Gonna be all right Life is chocked full of surprises. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
2:36 pm	Rollercoaster day Wow, three posts in 24 hours. Yeah, it's unheard of. So I'm feeling... bizarre. Pleased and scared and unsure and worried. I have no idea what I'm doing, really. Trying to stay logical and yet listen to my instincts. I'm scared, O Diary, scared to death. But I think what I'm doing is right. I just don't know how I'm going to do it. Damn. Life would work out better with a roadmap. I'm going for it, though. I really do believe love can cure most anything. I do. And I think this time it will. If only I knew where to go from here. Shit... all I really know is that I love you. And I guess that will have to be enough. Even if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, I love you. I want you back. I need you back. *groan* My stomach feels funny. (Comment on this)
2:06 am	Well damn. .... Yeah. Wow. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008
11:54 pm	Feeling weird, feeling down Feeling oh so screwed up. Hating the way I feel, hating that I feel it at all. I hate the way you treated me, I hate the way you lied. I hate that you still haven't apologized to me, the way you act like I'm to blame. I hate the way you manipulated me. I hate that you can still smile in the wake of it all. I hate the way you're always around, even when the room is empty. I hate the way you make my heart ache when I least expect it, even when I think I'm beyond it aching. I hate the way I miss you, the way it seems like there can never truly be another. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. I feel a little like dying. =/ And here I was naive enough to think I was past all this. Tonight's going to be quite a long night. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 17th, 2008
5:51 pm	Life is always interesting, huh? It's amazing, this medley of emotions I've been burdened with. This is Sunday number two of my church hiatus, simply because the less I see her, the happier I invariably am. It just sucks that she seems to find her way to wherever I am all the time, and then loiter around incessantly. And yet, except for watching her be all over Chris whenever they're around me, there really isn't any pain left. I find it so difficult to care about her... most likely because the Angela I knew seems to largely have died or run away. It just leaves me feeling odd and rather hollow when she's around. Like I should feel something, but instead I look at her laughing and it's like looking at a stranger and getting deja vu of somebody I once knew. *Shrugs* It's pleasant, actually. Not to feel the fiery stab of pain whenever those deceitful eyes find mine any more. Markedly odd, but pleasant. Seems like Summer took its sweet time actually reaching the pleasant stage. I'm also getting used to physical pain on a more frequent basis. Whether it's just my muscles dying from going running or bruises forming from fighting with Sterling, pain has become my new amigo. Ironic that as my mental anguish diminishes, my physical pain increases. Connection? Maybe. Maybe I'm just switching them out. I prefer it, if that's the case. Physical pain releases endorphines. Eh. My hair needs to be cut again. (Comment on this)